Important Lessons I Have Learned In Life

Life lessons — they’re countless. I often hear the words “one should never stop learning in life.”

Truth is, one can never stop learning as long as one is alive.

New circumstances will always arise. This is a general life lesson I’ve learned. Changes are inevitable in life.

But guess what? This scares me as I’m one who’s deeply attached to stability. I fear change. I have a strong tendency to live in the past and worry about the future. Changes are scary to me. My main goal in life is thus to learn to accept all changes as they come. Every single moment which flashes by can be perfect if I stop clinging to the past to search for long-gone stability and stop looking at the future with anticipation or fear. Only then will I be able to say truthfully that I ask for no more or no less in life. Only then will my other dreams — joy, contentment, peace, etc. — be fulfilled.

As a person with low self-confidence, I often ponder about what it is I lack to be able to perform well — or maybe survive — when unforeseen circumstances and situations arise.

I’ve heard about how-to-live-well skills, and I wish to share some of them with you. To be honest, I’ve yet to master them. Anyway, here goes.

GRATITUDE

As we all know, every single moment is unique. Accepting each of them with sincere gratitude as they come along is essential if one wishes to be contented at all times. Being grateful for what one has, rather than mourning over what one has lost or becoming desperate for what one has yet to gain. Easier said than done, of course. For me, it’ll definitely be a lifelong journey to appreciate everything in life — especially bad moments.

My mind is filled with thoughts of the past and future that distracts me from having gratitude for the present. I guess it’s vice versa—lacking gratitude for the present leads to having a noisy mind. A lovely state for my mind to be in would be one filled with…

SILENCE

I really can’t imagine what it’d be like to be able to look at the sky with my eyes for 10 seconds straight. It’d be awesome — something that has never happened before. While looking at the sky, thoughts about it being blue or cloudy would arise and cease, only to arise and cease again. It’s more like thinking about the sky rather than looking at it.

Occasionally, when my head feels like it was going to burst, I’d stop whatever I’m doing and walk to the window to look at the sky. “Let’s look at the sky and stay quiet.” Within a few seconds, comments or questions will start popping into my mind. “Wow, this is nice! The sky’s really blue and the clouds— wait, why did I say ‘the sky’s blue’? Just look at the sky — keep quiet. Look at the sky… look at the sky… look at the — no, wait — if I’m reminding myself to look at the sky, my mind is not silent!” Aarrg!!!

Silence has a deep healing ability. Silence is something I wish to experience one day; this is a big challenge for me. However, this dream may come true if I…

DON’T GIVE UP

Yup. Life is a journey full of ups and downs. The fact is we’ve absolutely no idea where it’d lead us to. Whether it’s lessons we choose to learn or skills and qualities we eventually pick up — all of these are uncertain.

There are many ways to fail. Luckily, there are also many ways to succeed. In order to achieve dreams, one must never give up. True, failures can be discouraging; they cause one to self-doubt. Am I on the right path? Is this worthwhile? Will I succeed? Will I fail? After all, there’s only a limited amount of time for so many lessons in life.

I’m adept at self-doubting, and I must admit — I’m afraid of failure too. But I’m certain that if I develop a strong interest in, say, a skill, curiosity about it and a strong desire to master it will overwhelm me. I won’t be able to let it go as thoughts like “This is so interesting”, “What if I actually succeed” or “I wish to master this” will actually pester me.

Therefore, I must never give up. Indeed, there’s no confirmation of success, but if the reason to give up is purely due to fear of failure or simply because one is tired and dejected, then feelings of regret will inevitably emerge one day. “If only I had…” is definitely not on my wish list.

Hence for me, once I make a decision, I’ll stick to it. I fear change and it takes courage for me to make a decision, but once I make it, I’m determined to persevere till the end. This is perhaps one of the very few strengths I have. Failures are tiny portions of the big learning package in life. One great thing is we’ll still be rewarded even if we fail. The ability to recognize specific conditions that can lead to failure is already an invaluable one — something only people with hands-on experience can have. Perseverance is tough, so when my mind throws its frequent “Aarrg I give up” tantrums, I’d recognize and forgive it. When I feel like giving up, I’d take a break. A coffee break may not be long enough for me to recharge — by the way, I’m allergic to coffee, so maybe it’d be more appropriate for me to call it a “warm-water break” instead. Sometimes, it takes a good night’s sleep or a few days or even weeks to recharge. Ironically, what I fear is a good thing too —since life is always changing, a drained mind will definitely become charged again. Eventually, I pick up whatever I’ve put down and move ahead with a fresh mind.

All this takes time. Ultimately, the thing I need most is…

PATIENCE

Rome wasn’t built in a single day. Even so, no one should be blamed for wanting instant relief or quick success. It’s human nature to desire freedom from suffering. However, another truth in life is one cannot rush. As the Chinese idiom — 拔苗助长 — goes, the act of pulling on seedlings to encourage them to grow faster would cause more damage than success. Patience is essential for long-lasting success.

Another tough skill for me to master. Why? Because I need to be patient — something that I’m not — in order to master patience. Here comes another challenge: the more one desires patience, the more impatient one gets. “Desire” and “patience” doesn’t get along as a couple as “desiring” already implies that one is unhappy with the current moment and wants a new moment quickly.

Patience thus, in my opinion, is the master of all virtues. Many times in life success doesn’t arrive quickly, especially in one’s main goals in life. Take me for example — without patience, none of the above virtues in life can be cultivated.

Thanks for your patience in staying with me throughout the article! May you be well and happy in every moment of life :)